Cloverfield was a lot of fun! See it on the big screen for the full effect! :)

20 Things I Never Said to the People Who needed to Hear It.

1.  I know sometimes it seems like I don’t care, but I do. I know you may not think I’m proud of you, but I am. I know we have a funny way of showing our love, but it’s there. And I hope you know I consider you my own blood, even though we both know you’re not.
2. I will never forget what you did to me. It was a cheap shot. Karma is kicking your ass now, so it seems irrelevant if I would return the favor,  tho I thought about it even to this day. Enjoy what’s left of your life. I have a feeling it won’t be too much longer.
3. You think of yourself as the black sheep, even tho I’ve always considered that to be MY role. You’ve been through the ringer. You’ve fought and struggled your entire life. And yet, you are still standing. Some day I will tell you how much I’ve admired your strength. You’ve been one of the major inspirations in my life.
4. Do you know how lucky you are? I’ll bet you thought no one remembers who you are or what you did. But we know, don’t we. And I hope YOU know; it’s only by her good graces that you’re still walking the Earth. They’d never find any part of you….
5. Things never worked out for us, but I always wondered what it would be like to spend real time with you. You were beautiful, strong, incredibly talented, and a wonderful role model for my daughter. You’re in my thoughts often, and I miss you.
6. What a disappointment you were. How could I be so wrong in my judgment of someone I cared about and loved like they were family?! MORE than family! If I see you, I’ll be cordial – like nothing is amiss. But know that you will never enter my home or be allowed around my family ever again. That’s the price of betrayal.
7. Do you really think you can lure me away?  Wow. You have no idea what you’re up against. Lol! And you must not know me very well either.
8. You’re the second runner-up. Did you know that? But I’m glad it worked out for the two of you.
9. Yes, I have it all. Everything you thought was gone, is not. But you’ll never see it. Until it doesn’t matter anymore. I think that would be a fitting touch.
10. Oh how you changed my life. My entire existence has centered around you. Every decision I’ve made has been to better your life. And you’ve made it all worthwhile. I couldn’t be prouder & I love you more than you will ever know.
11. I’ve tried to forgive you. But I can’t forget. You’re misery brings me a sad sense of satisfaction. I hope you live a very long life…. Just… like…. this.
12. I guess you were right. But you’ll forgive me if I still fantasize about you, right?
13. If you learned how to kiss your situation might be very different right now….
14. That night you wanted to…. I did too. You should’ve asked.
15. I never believed in love-at-first-sight until I met you. One of my biggest regrets has always been being late for that date. I’ve never been so instantly smitten as I was upon our first meeting.
16. I don’t think you have any idea how annoying you are. You spew hate and pretend it’s a joke. You talk about how you wish you could do this or that, but never take any actual action to reach those goals. You’re a frightened child who hates the big scary world around them. You’re absolutely useless.
17. I can’t ask for more than you. You fill me in every way.  No one even comes close.
18. Yes, I would do you. Does that answer your question?
19. Our connection is unearthly. I don’t try to understand why anymore. I’m just glad I found you. Now don’t go away again!
20. I really don’t think what you’re doing to her is right. I don’t know how you got on this path, but it isn’t something I want to be around. That’s why we don’t talk anymore. I hope you come back to the light some day. Right now, I don’t think you even notice you live in shadow.

Given that I NEVER used to add anyone I didn't like, know or admire (you oldster friends know which catagory you all fit in!), I thought I was being nice, simply adding someone whom I thought needed a friend on there page or liked my stuff. But now I see that it's simply a mass adding of friends for most of the newbies, and even tho I've given them all fair warning in a bulletin what would happen to anyone NEW who didn't comment on the return of the Faith video, there are STILL no takers.

In 3 days.... prepare for the slaughter. I will be cutting off all the dead wood, no-commenting-friends that have recently developed such a fascination with having me on their friends list.

Vitra was a HOT Vietnamese chick I met in my senior year of college. For months, I watched her smile, stretch and work-out in our Tai Kwan Do class. It was near the end of the school year when my buddies convinced me to ask her out to fulfill my dream of dating a woman of Asian descent (I have always had a weakness for the exotic beauty of Asian women….shallow? Maybe. But we ALL have weaknesses, don’t we?). She immediately said yes with a big smile. My heart fluttered! We dated a few times, and I was totally smitten. She seemed to really like me too. I had a long-distance relationship going on 7 or 8 years with my h.s. sweetheart (the infamous "Linda"), and even tho I had a feeling we wouldn't work out, I stayed faithful to her (i.e. “did not have sex with anyone else.”) Vitra called me a few times over the summer after my graduation, and I gave her a ride up to ESU once to hang out with her, and we genuinely enjoyed each other’s company, but that was as far as I pursued her. Although my heart danced when I was with Vitra, I figured Linda and I had been together almost 8 years, and we would wind up married or something soon. We had a lot of history, ya know?  Well, Linda broke up with me the following Feb, completely pulling the rug out from under me (but that’s another story for another day.)

I sent Vitra flowers asking if she'd like to go out sometime again. I got no response. I called her apartment at the college and left messages. Still nothing. About a week later, she sent me a letter saying she had met someone and they were engaged, and that she hoped that I would be happy for her. I was, but that was that.

Beth came into the book store where I worked (a few years after college) looking for a gift for her father for Fathers Day. This was the only time I've ever been a victim of love-at-first-sight. She was also the only blonde I've ever been attracted to in any way. She was about 5'2", 110-115 lbs, beautiful blue eyes, sexy glasses (I am a sucker for the librarian look!), voluptuous breasts, and a gorgeous smile that she flashed at me a few times as she walked by. After several minutes of her wandering past me, making eye contact, smiling, and moving on, she finally came over to me and asked if I could help her with some ideas for her dad. We walked around for about 20 minutes, during which time she told me she was divorced from her asshole ex-husband, wanted to get a tattoo to commemorate her freedom, and was trying to spread her wings. She would touch my arm familiarly as she laughed at my bad jokes. When she finally left I was kicking myself for not catching all the body language and hints she was giving me to ask her out. Under my then-close-friend Steeeve's urging, I did something I had never done before; I used the computer and got her phone number from her customer discount card! I called her, and she was a little suspicious, but at the same time was very flattered! She agreed to meet me at a restaurant a few nights later. I was SO nervous my knees were shaking! I had never gotten the balls to cold call a woman like this before. But I told her I couldn't stop thinking about her. And I meant it.

The night of our date, I had to work til 5, and we were meeting at 5:15. Between being tied up at the store, and traffic, I was 5 minutes late. She had left. The guy at the restaurant said," You mean the gorgeous blonde? Wow. Yeah. She left a few minutes ago. A woman like that should never be made to wait." Dick! Like I needed to hear THAT! Duh!

I called that night and apologized, sent her flowers the next day, and asked for another chance. My stomach was in knots! She hesitantly agreed. But said she was moving, so she’d be busy for a few days. I never got the next date, BUT;

A few weeks later, I had changed jobs and was working for an educational store. I had left for lunch, and when I got back the younger guy who was watching the store for me said,” Hey, Dan, some chick was here looking for you.” I said, “Did she leave a name?”  “Yeah, I think it was Beth? She said she had been looking for you. I told her you were at lunch, but she couldn’t wait, she had to be back to work.”  That was the last I heard from her. Apparently, I, at least, left enough of an impression on her that she went to my old store to ask where I was. And tried to find me. For what, I’ll never know. *Sigh….*

So there you have it; my only two regrets. I wouldn’t trade Khrys for either of them now, but looking back on my life, those two women left a huge hole in my heart.

Oh, Most Suckiest of Sucky Years…..Goodbye & Good Riddance!

It’s 1 am on Dec. 31st. I waited up long enough to greet this last day of 2006 face-to-face.

I wanted to make sure it was going to show up and not back out of its “graceful exit.” No extensions, 2006! Not one more day do you get! Not a single extra breath. You have brought me more pain this year than any other in my life and I will see your demise tonight and I will piss on your grave!

Forget car problems. Forget crappy jobs. You can even forget the minor custody arguments. No, all those pale in comparison to what you brought me this year.

If I could somehow give you substance long enough to make you feel one tenth of the pain you’ve caused my family this time around, I promise you, I would get medieval on your ass.

A pair of pliers and a blowtorch? Hah! No…no. That would be too clichéd and too quick for you. No, I think instead I would take you a little at a time…like giving you paper cuts on every inch of your physical being and then pouring lemon juice on you. Or ripping out each nail. Or maybe I’d take a tip from Karloff in Poe’s “The Black Cat” and “…Tear the skin from your body, slowly, bit by bit.”  Then starve you until you would be happy to eat those bits of yourself…my mind fairly swims at the horrors I would inflict on you. No one has any idea of that part of me. That dark half.

But you would. You would learn that face very well.

But I can only dream about it. Just like I can only dream about holding my son. Just like Khrys can only dream about looking at babies again w/o feeling that eternal, bitter sadness.

My daughters can only dream about what their brother felt like, or looked like in person. How you took a year of our lives that should’ve been filled with overwhelming joy, and instead filled it with sorrow and grief. A year in the shadow of Death.

There is not a day goes by that I do not think of my son, Ebban Rayne. He would be 6 months old now. 2006 will forever be an infamous year for us. So tonight, I will toast, and sing, and kiss my wife at midnight. But know that I am smiling because I am picturing you writhing in agony as you end your reign in ashes and that I’m imagining you rotting slowly and feeling every century’s worth of decay as it passes you by.

Happy fucking New Year everyone…. Fuck you, 2006!!!!

I gave Khrys a Canon Rebel XT! She is charged up and taking pix even as we speak! Thanks to everyone who gave me technical advice and support! And for all of the wonderful pictures you all take. Some of you are truly inspirational! :)

And fyi, I got my Harry and David Pears and the new Beatles mash-up from Cirque de Soleil's new show "Love!" It's awesome!

Tomorrow at the LeVine Gallery!! Woo hoo! :)

so now none of our comments are posting??!!

My wife, however, LOVES melpixie's shots! And therefore has requested a "good" camera for Yule! And yes, she has her eye on the Rebel XTi! Still weeding thru literature on some of the new Olympus and Nikon's.

If anyone has suggestions, please chime in...on a side note, she has MUCH more photography expereience that I do! Haha!

I'm grabbing those shots you only get once, only to find when I get home and download them, they didn't pick up the detail I had hoped for! I've got the fever for the flavor of a Pringles... And that Pringle tastes digital!

I still love the lo-fi effects I get with the phone...kinda like my own Lomo! Haha! So stay tuned!